The crying of children, a complex language

The crying of children: a complicated language

Babies cry: we all know it. What we often have doubts about is how to behave in the face of persistent and inconsolable crying . For many parents the crying of their child is unbearable, it is like a punch that hits hard and straight in the stomach. Someone tries to ignore it (and maybe it succeeds as well) in the lethal doubt that can be summed up with a question: " And if it then takes the habit? ".

But, arming oneself with courage and getting rid of understandable doubts, what must one do when faced with the crying of children?

The time that newborns pass to cry is very variable, from newborn to newborn, and even in the same child, from week to week; it may therefore happen that infants who cried very little during the first weeks of life suddenly go through a period in which they constantly scream.

Babies, when they cry, have a reason to do so: they are hungry, cold, in pain, they are in an awkward position, they need comfort, they feel alone or simply feel a general feeling of discomfort. Unfortunately, interpreting and understanding the specific reason that leads to tears is not simple and above all there are no universally valid rules that help parents understand.

However, one can learn to listen : by living in close contact with one's newborn, in fact, the parent or caregiver learns, little by little, to distinguish and therefore to interpret the messages that are behind each different type of cry. Research has shown that on the third day of life parents are already able to distinguish the crying of their child from that of other infants and that towards the end of the second week they can distinguish the different types of crying.

When the crying of children is inconsolable

When a newborn cries and screams in despair and seems not to want to accept the comfort of the adult, the latter can experience tremendous stress and may have the impulse to move away and escape in order not to feel that crying anymore. On these occasions it is possible that the newborn feels the frustration - understandable - of the adult and that this accentuates his feeling of discomfort and consequently his crying. If then the adult has the impulse to speak to the child or to those around him with irritated and acute tone of voice the situation tends to worsen further. It's like a dog biting its own tail.

It has been shown that certain cries arouse in the parents or in the adult that takes care of the child physiological reactions identical to those that occur when an emergency is faced: increased arterial pressure, increased adrenaline, increased supply of oxygen to the brain.

On these occasions, more than focusing on the crying of children, we should make an effort and exercise on ourselves. Controlling one's emotions before a newborn's crying is not easy but it is necessary. You can try an exercise that leads to relax and that is slowing down and controlling breathing ; seems trivial, but it can really help. You can try to breathe slowly by concentrating on your breathing and moving it from your chest to your diaphragm: it's a system to reduce tension and regain control of yourself. Once you regain control of your emotions, you can pick up the baby and try to speak to him in a calm and serene voice, pampering him. Getting caught up in nervousness is of no use, indeed it is counterproductive.

The way we deal with the feelings aroused by our baby's crying will influence his way of dealing with emotions . It is a big responsibility that should not be avoided; perhaps the best way to act is to proceed by trial and error trying to do what we can to console him. Sometimes the child needs something that we can give him right away: the jelly, a clean diaper, a blanket ... in that case we will have to proceed by trial and, all in all, it will be easy to find a solution. At other times he will need to let off steam and express his discomfort; in these cases it is more complicated; in these cases, learning to control one's own discomfort is the first fundamental step to help the newborn control his or her.

To console a crying child is not to spoil it ; listening to it empathically is a difficult task but it is a way to make him feel loved and therefore to reassure him. Deeply. It is a way to help him become a self-confident adult capable of expressing his emotions, even the negative ones.