The site of Friedemann Schulz von Thun is all in German, which does not make life easy for us, at least not for myself. But on the web there are also sources in English and the printed bibliography is just as rich in the latter language. From these documents I have reconstructed a humble description of the method proposed by the professor of the University of Hamburg, born in 1944 in Soltau, psychologist and expert in interpersonal communication.
Hear hear (with all your ears).
The four-ear model
When we talk about four ears we refer to the four levels of communication. The knowledge of these plans helps to relate not only in the family, but also in the most varied human, professional and intimate contexts.
Imagine two people talking. For example, a man who speaks and a woman who listens.
From the man's mouth bring out four colored languages : light blue, green, yellow, red. Four woman's ears, same colors. In the middle of these two interlocutors put a square with equal sides.
In blue above we have the side reserved for factual information. A phrase about information I am providing. Dates, facts, events, information, factual contents. For these contents there are three types of criteria: the criterion of truth (correct / incorrect), the criterion of relevance (are the dari noteworthy with respect to the context?), The criterion of sufficiency (the information provided is fairly comprehensive or there are other factors that would merit further evaluation?
On the left, in green, the affirmation of personality . What I show of myself, explicitly or implicitly. When I say something I also provide information about myself, I reveal my disposition, the way I manage emotions, my psychological type.
In yellow, at the bottom, the relationship indicator (ratio). What I think of my interlocutor and how I relate to him / her. The "yellow" ear is that through which the listener takes a position on how he feels treated by the interlocutor, he gets an idea of the opinion that the speaker expresses about the other.
On the right, in red, what is called in English an appeal , or what I want my interlocutor to do . As humans, by expressing ourselves we can create sentences that contain these four effects. This level has to do with expectations, desire, advice, effects. The basic question that characterizes him is: "What should I do, say or hear now?"
What I say - whether I want it or not - contains four messages simultaneously. But it is in the attempt of conscious interaction of these four aspects that the quality of the conversation is played.
